On Fear


Today I got an email from Bethany. It was a reply to my reply. She had written me her heart and I had responded in the most sincere and empathetic way I knew how—also attempting to take myself off the pedestal she had placed me on.  I was vulnerable. I was authentic. And I hoped she would remove me from the high place in which she had placed me, for I feared if she didn’t, one day I would simply come tumbling down without either of us having any sort of control. I do not belong there. On a pedestal.

But she didn’t.

She didn’t take me off her pedestal. In fact, she told me that she knew she had placed me there and intended it to stay that way because it is where I belong. Bethany told me that one thing she loves most about me is that I have no fear—“You just do things.” She said I do things without worrying about the outcome—I just act, fearlessly. She said she wishes she could be more that way.

What?

Less than 24 hours previous to me reading these Bethany thoughts I sat in the car with my dad sobbing uncontrollably, telling him my greatest weakness in life. . . is fear.

It causes anxiety, panic attics, nausea along with a vast array of other physical ailments. “It is debilitating!” I yelled between tears to my father.

But Bethany—she says I am fearless.

And that got me to thinking, what if I am?

What if I am fearless after all, but Negativity and Disbelief in Self wants so badly to work its way into my mind and prevent me from doing great things that I accept as truth that I AM AFRAID.

My friend Fern says that fearful people don’t move to Africa with a girl they’ve seen twice and ‘known’ for only two months.
They don’t return to Africa alone.  
They don’t move to a new city where they don’t know a soul—and stay.
They don’t go overseas to teach ESL for a year and travel Southeast Asia.
They don’t pick up hitchhikers or make friends with burly bearded homeless men.
They don’t river kayak and make friends with strangers along the way.

So you see, FEAR does not own me after all.

And it doesn’t own you either.